Sometimes our "modern" culture really bothers me. What does our culture teach us about gender roles? Girls are still raised and taught to be sweet and nice -- "sugar and spice and everything nice." Girls are not supposed to get dirty or play rough. Girls are given dolls to play with, often baby dolls. Boys are rough, tough and dirty -- "boys will be boys." Boys are told to go play outside and are expected to climb trees, play in the mud and get into trouble.
As boys and girls grow older, we "learn" that girls are sensitive and emotional, talk a lot, and will often want to combine the two by talking about how they feel. We also "learn" that boys are incapable of talking about their emotions, they are tough and don't get hurt feelings. Is this reality though or just what we are trained to believe and ultimately conform to? Nature verses nurture...
I believe this is more nurture than nature. There are other societies where men are allowed to be sensitive and emotional. These traits can even be viewed as a strength in both genders. I think our general cultural belief that men are not supposed to be this way actually hurts us more than we realize. Men are forced into a box of "masculinity" where they are not supposed to show fear or pain or hurt feelings, only show that they are smart, strong, and tough. Some men have problems even showing love and affection either just in public or also in private. Does that mean men don't have these hidden feelings? Do men never fear the unknown? Do men never experience pain from the loss of a loved one? Do men not have their feelings hurt when a friend teases them about something close to the heart? What happens when men age and someone younger, fresh into the work force surpasses them at their own job? Does that not sting?
Of course men feel these things! I am close with a lot of my male friends and I know for a fact men feel these things. Men are human just like anyone else and they feel the full range of emotions that come with that. When they have love or relationship problems they can be hurt and confused. When conflicts arise at work, they can be hurt or feel inadequate.
How do men deal with these issues if they can't even openly admit they have a problem? Who do they talk to about it? Do they talk to the fresh young coworker who is quickly surpassing them and risk being mocked or taken advantage of? Do they tell their lover their most intimate fears and desires and risk being laughed at or abandoned? Do they get advice from a trusted male companion about all these problems and feelings? Where does a man go to even develop a trusted male companion relationship where that would be a possible conversation?
I have no answers to these questions. I wish men had it easier. At least women can be openly emotional and are expected to be that way. We are given hugs when we need them. By being allowed to express our emotions we can better sort through what we feel to fully understand what is going on inside us and what is going on outside us that has caused the emotional reaction. People sometimes look at men who can do this as being odd, feminine or straight up gay. Showing sensitive feelings or reacting in a sensitive way can and often is viewed in a man as being weak or at least as showing weakness. It is a total double standard.
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