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| Seth Auten |
Most of us at the office were told the news the following morning. News spread fast though of the tragedy. Another dear friend who I am fortunate to work with told me immediately after I walked in the door. He walked into the room with a strange look on his face, one which I had not seen before. As he told me the story of what had happened, I could only think that he was telling some horrible joke because such a thing couldn't actually happen to someone we knew and loved. Didn't make sense. We had seen him just the day before. He had plans for the new project he was on at work. He had his family, his boys... he had a life. He couldn't be gone.
Took about an hour before it started to sink in what had happened. Everyone had been told they could go home if they needed to. I tried to power through, but realized I would not be able to hold it together for very long so I ended up at home hugging my cat through tears processing what had happened. Felt it necessary to cry. Felt honoring in a way. As if tears didn't happen he hadn't deserved people to miss him or something, which truly wasn't the case at all since he was an amazing person.
I felt compelled to be sure people outside the office who knew him were told. Spent the morning telling everyone I could think of who had known him. Was good to talk to people about what had happened.
People from the office, including this man's best friend who also worked with us, gathered at the diner across from our building for lunch in memory of our lost friend and colleague. It was somber but comforting at the same time. I was happy to have mustered up enough energy and wipe away the tears momentarily to have gone. Our company even ended up covering the bill which was a nice token of sympathy for everyone's loss.
The rest of the morning was spent much like the morning had been. Kitty hugs, tears, talking with people about what had happened, shared memories with people about our friend. Can't replace a person but you can do your best to remember them, to honor their memory and their life.
These events really make you stop and think. You realize how short life is. How life's flame can be snuffed out at any moment without warning. We should be sure to tell the people who are in our lives how much we appreciate them. Tell loved ones we love and care about them. Tell people how special they are to us. Don't take time with family and friends for granted. We may not have tomorrow to tell them how much they mean to us.
Today was special and sad as we remembered our friend again. Not that we had ever forgotten him. But we made extra effort today. A smaller group of people again went to lunch at the same diner in memory of our friend. And the friend who broke the awful news to me grabbed a beer with me after work, same as he and I did last year.
I am happy to have known this man who is gone. I feel lucky to have known him. Privileged that he shared advice with me on work and life. As part of how some of us at work honor him, we have kept his plants alive from his office. Even expanded them by taking starts from his ficus tree and sharing them with people who want part of our friend's tree. I have one sitting at my desk so I will never forget. Part of our friend will always be with us.
The song here is what I heard on the radio on my way home from the office last year and the lyrics are just perfect for what had happened. I again listen to it now to help remember.
Pearl Jam - "Just Breathe"
Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,.. As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,.. Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love,..
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh
Stay with me,.. Let's just breathe.
Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, aw-huh,.. Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,.. Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed.
Stay with me,.. You're all I see.
Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you? Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me. As I come clean.
I wonder everyday as I look upon your face, aw-huh,.. Everything you gave And nothing you would take, aw huh,.. Nothing you would take Everything you gave...
Did I say that I need you? Oh, did I say that I want you? Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,.. No one knows this more than me. As I come clean, ah-ah...
Nothing you would take,.. Everything you gave. Love you till I die,.. Meet you on the other side.
